Foreboding Joy

Ever notice that it's way easier to write about things that are hard or troubling or "dark"? Maybe it's just me. It's more fun to write about deep hard process things in a dark foreboding tone. Better adjectives to use. What do you write when things are going well? There are words like "good", "happy", "smiley", "fun". Those aren't exactly a writer's favourite words. Why can't there be a great word like "foreboding" that means something good?

For this moment in my life, I feel...settled. Happy. Good. Like I have a fun life. (See, those words are inadequate, even a bit boring.) Oh sure, there are the occasional frustrating moments during the day. But really, for right now, I feel like I fit into my life. I'm not even sure things have changed all that much. I think pieces of my heart and elements of my attitude have changed. Maybe when those changed, they opened a door for joy to enter in. No longer do I feel like a square peg trying to shove herself into a round hole. Or, not even shove. It's more like, I was just sitting over a round hole, wishing that it would miracuously turn into a square so I'd fit.

About a month and half ago I went to a retreat, and there I was given the opportunity to spend some time repenting. Sounds funny. Repenting does bring refreshing though, so if ever I am given the chance to repent, I willingly take it. (Usually). With the refreshment came encouragement. And open doors. By getting rid of the ugly corners of my square shaped heart, I found I could fit into the places I was trying to get to - and then some. More open doors. More round holes for me to fill.

So, it's good. It's fun. The sun is shining right now and it's beautiful. (See? All I can think of are cliched words. Boring.) Oh well. On with my foreboding joy. (Foreboding as in great.)