Process

I've heard the word "Process" in my head lately. Process...process. What does it mean, really? What am I saying when I say, "I'm going through a process"? The dictionary defines process in a few different ways:

1. a systematic series of actions directed to some end
2. a continuous action, operation, or series of changes taking place in a definite manner
3. the action of going forward or on
4. to treat or prepare by some particular process, as in manufacturing
5. to require (someone) to answer questionnaires, perform various tasks, and sometimes to undergo physical and aptitude classification examinations before the beginning or termination of a period of service

The word process is from the latin processus meaning "a going forward". So I guess, by definition, one may conclude that if someone is in a process, it is not possible to go backwards. Digression would negate the prescence of a process.

As a Christian, I feel the pains of the "process" of becoming a disciple of Christ. It's not a constant pain. Sometimes, I hardly notice the process. Sunny days are bright and cheerful. All is right in my world and I skip along on my merry way, proud of my accomplishments and the places I'm heading. Other times, my whole world seems to fall around me. My words are harsh, my thoughts dark. I trudge along, up a muddy hill, cursing the process.

Process means change; continuous actions in a forward movement. Change is frustrating. Foreward movement means I'm going places I've never been before. I'm learning new things. It's about dealing with the ugly parts of my life that I haven't had to deal with before now. And suddenly, there I am, face to face with my humanity. If I pretended the process didn't exist, my reflection would be beautiful. But I've asked for the process. I wear it like a pair of glasses, allowing me to see clearly. The shocking clarity saddens me, but also shows me the flaws I can fix. I won't always be this messy looking. The process will end when Perfection comes back.

If I stay true to the process, it means I won't digress. I won't get too far away from my goal. Only closer. It's sure to get harder, but it also means I'm closer to completion.