So, my church is hosting the annual Women's Weekend Away. They've done something different this year in terms of location. Usually, we go up to this camp around Hope. It's a lot of fun. Good food, cozy rooms. I like it. For this year, they're going to an actual hotel up by Harrison. That should be so pretty. My initial thought was, I'll just go up for the day. It would be too hard to bring Lucy up for the whole weekend, and I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't like having her for the whole weekend. Plus, the cost went up a fair amount because of the location. Understandably so, but not totally practical for our family.

Then I found out that they don't allow drop ins. Either you go for the whole weekend or you don't go at all. Enter: Jenny's bad attitude. I thought it silly that my leaders would choose a place that didn't allow one-dayers. Didn't they think about that? And the cost. And the "inconvenience". Blah, blah, blah. I think I did a good job reigning in my pity party, so the world didn't see it, but still, the thoughts were there. I've since fixed that part. How great that my leaders took the risk of change. They wanted to do something different and special for the ladies this year. And really, they got a killer deal for staying at the hotel they booked. They work so hard at planning this weekend every year. I have no right to complain.

So, part one corrected. Part two, however, was still very much alive and active. I REALLY, REALLY wanted to go. The speaker this year is a fabulous woman (and friend of mine) whom I have had the pleasure of hearing speak numerous times, and I never get tired of her. I will listen to the same message 50 times over if it's given by her. She is amazing. But, pretty much due to finances, I had resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be going this year. I would get the CD after the weekend was over.

I couldn't get the thought of going out of my head, though. Talking it over with my husband, he just said, "Let's pray about it." Sounded good to me. For the next couple of days, my prayers pretty much sounded like this, "Lord, I really want to go. Please put me on someone's heart so they'll pay for me." Ugh. How selfish is that? Well, maybe the prayer itself was not selfish, but my attitude accompanying the prayer was selfish. Kind of like it was my right to have someone pay for me because I deserved it. Gross, huh?

One morning, as I renewed my selfish prayer, I really stopped and thought about it. I remembered a teaching I had just listened to a couple of days ago (ironically, by the same lady who is speaking at the retreat). She said, "You will sacrifice for whatever it is you value." I value this retreat weekend. I value the teaching that I could sit under and listen to. I value the time I could spend with some of my friends. I value meeting with the Lord without distraction. What can I sacrifice? So, I've sacrificed a few things. Small, trivial things that don't even compare to a weekend like this. Some might say, "Well, now that your attitude is changed, maybe someone will pay for you". Thing is, I don't want them to. I want to pay for this. My trip. My value. I'll pay the price.